Writing about a sibling is hard. Especially when they have passed away before they should have. My sister Susie passed away last October. It was really hard for me to even talk about her death and I wasn’t able to write about it either. I think now is time that I giver her some dignity or perhaps some honor. She didn’t have the healthiest lifestyle, but I can’t just say her reason for passing is decidedly due to this or that. There are multiple reasons probably.

I had one brother and two sisters. My brother superseded her by 8 years in passing away. His was also not really unexpected considering his health.

Susie was a party girl. She was social, very smart, athletic, but also had a nasty habit of stealing my clothes and leaving them in a pile of dirty clothes hidden in her closet. This of course took place whilst we lived together with my parents as teenagers. I used to get so mad at her, see, I bought my clothes with money that I earned working cleaning houses. Susie was also the kid in our family that was always in trouble. She liked to push the limits. One night my parents had a policeman show up at our front door. He informed them that She had been drinking and driving and had drove a car off of a particularly windy road into a ravine. Luckily for her a tree managed to be in the way slowing down the crash. She was not hurt. At least she was smart enough to wear a seatbelt.

My mother used to stop her before she headed off to catch the bus for school to check her clothing. Mom wanted to make sure she was wearing a bra.

Susie made friends easily, had a witty sense of humor. She was quick with a comeback and made everyone laugh. I spoke to her a week before she passed and I told her how much I loved talking to her because she made me laugh.

When we were young Dad and Mom would take us on road trips. She and my brother would make up games to play in the car. She was always the CEO of the company. My brother was the other boss. Me and my youngest sibling would play along as whomever they decided. They were the creative storytellers of the family.

Susie was a very passionate person too. She loved her two daughters almost to a fault. After going through my divorce she gave me some very wise advice that I listened to. She told me to never talk badly about my ex to the children because they would get bitter about it. She had gone through a nasty divorce 5 years before me and so was one up on me with that. When I called to tell her I was leaving my ex she congratulated me and said “It’s about dam time! He is a jerk!”

Whatever I was doing with my kids as they were growing up she was a cheerleader and complimented me.

At her memorial her girls put together a very moving beautiful slide show with music. It really struck me that I had missed so much of her adult life because I married very young and started producing children. I was so busy with parenthood and at the same time growing up myself that I just totally missed important parts of her life. It makes me feel sorry and sad and tears are rolling down my face as I type this blog. I’m sorry that I missed her graduation from college, the births of her two children, and wasn’t there to help her in crisis when she was drinking, passing out and her husband was beating her because of it. She also started her own business that she had for almost 20 years and was very successful.

I could tell you about why I missed all of those things in her life. I was raising four children pretty much alone, and had moved two states away from her. I was just busy. I was also selfish and young and didn’t see it as important. This fact saddens me immensely now. If time could be re-lived I would change a lot.

So thinking about all the fun times we had whilst growing up. Playing paper dolls and Barbie dolls together. We would walk to the bus together for school. It was always good to have an ally especially when there were bullies around or mean girls.

As I get older the things that I considered not so important then are so different to me now. I guess as one ages, you have the experiences to look back on and be thoughtful about them. Relationships to me now are so important and I now only have one sibling still alive. We have become much closer and I cherish our friendship so much.

We were able to attend her viewing and service together holding each other up. We are the last of our family still living. Kind of a scary thought.